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Literature Text
We sleep in the sing song
windy window rattle of
Tuesday afternoons,
late for class and life
amid used books scattered
half-read and dogeared,
cold pizza and debt.
—as the suns sets in Damascus,
some woman bleeds in Persia,
the colossus sinks into the sea,
we write dissertations
on bud brewed chai:
honey sweetened
jasmine spiced
earthly melange
—we ponder the beginning,
in Africa-ca-ca-ca....
the first dustings of
monkey perception
rising from the valley.
windy window rattle of
Tuesday afternoons,
late for class and life
amid used books scattered
half-read and dogeared,
cold pizza and debt.
—as the suns sets in Damascus,
some woman bleeds in Persia,
the colossus sinks into the sea,
we write dissertations
on bud brewed chai:
honey sweetened
jasmine spiced
earthly melange
—we ponder the beginning,
in Africa-ca-ca-ca....
the first dustings of
monkey perception
rising from the valley.
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let's sleep and dream.
Comments3
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I'm really glad to read something new from you. I think it's technically good, and it's got a lot of nice imagery. It's well composed, but I don't really feel a connection between the students and the Persian woman. And in the last stanza, are you wanting the word Africa to echo out? If so, you might try to do it so it comes out a little softer. If you read it aloud, it kind of sounds like a bird of paradise making a really loud warble. Overall, very good. I like the alliteration and the little details that make everything come together. I guess my real suggestion is to make sure the thoughts and themes are cohesive. Sorry for the long critique. I guess I just feel like pontificating today.